@tortillareform's timeline on Twitter .. 2 of 2
-
Think about how you would like to be portrayed in a movie & treat people accordingly.
-
somethin in the air a nefarious crumpled box appears says "open when ready" fidgety & twitchy at 1st she knew to open it she had to not care
-
Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not. - Ana Monnar ♥
-
kinda feel like you guys are a buncha shrimps
-
Anyone can come here and tear people down. Try something new and original.
-
They have hair on their faces and balls between their legs. That's why.
-
You know people who believe in astrology are just fucking with you.
-
If I accidentally fav myself, will I look like a douche if I take it away?
-
The ballet slippers hanging above my headboard really have to go. If anything I should tape a gutted chip bag up there.
-
if you are like me and have so many one socks go talk to steve
-
Yeah, I do yoga a few times a week. And by yoga I mean shave my legs
-
The thing I hate most about retweeting & favoring is not being able to star & retweet EVERYONE. Retweet people. Lots of talent out there.
-
I take Twittter breaks to re-grow brain cells. You can damn near run out if you're not careful.
-
No, you ran out of gas within sight of the gas station....
-
The only way to get noticed in Clown College is to get a paper published in a prestigious Clown Journal.
-
14 hours sober. Bitter, body aches, snotty, old. This may be the real me. Lady at work said, "Good morning." She won't do that shit again.
-
I'm done thinking for the day. *adjusts boobs for maximum cleavage*
-
"Ever see a match burn twice?" she asked, as she blew out the flame then pressed the still-redhot match head upon his arm.
-
"Hey kids, don't pop pills, Pop Tarts! Wocka Wocka Wocka!"...What a Fozzie Bear anti-prescription abuse message would sound like on TV today
-
While I appreciate the empathy, saying "been there, done that" makes me think your a dumb ass for doing the same stupid shit I did.
-
My daughter walked in with four friends and didn't say hi, but asked for the wifi code. So ya, I'm a big deal, because knowledge is power.
-
I'm living vicariously through you all ... don't fuck up.
-
Twitter drama is beneath me, but I do love twitter meltdowns.
-
I only rolled my eyes to about half of the people at work today. Being nice is hard.
-
I’m so sorry, I’m all fresh out of your mom. :/
-
They throw out the net and blame the fish for getting caught. Fish so stupid with their stupid net fetishes.
-
Maybe last tweet should have been more sexual. Like..Wheres my fucking dragon w/ the 8' dick that was just sucking off a large wombat thingy
-
Where's my fucking dragon? Seriously, I'm not even that high. Normally its later in the evening before I start losing shit.
-
Life can take you almost anywhere. And here we are.
-
I stayed up for this? This is ALL late-night twitter hasta offer?? Falls over on bed. Fine. Just get it over with.
-
Today is a day with a name The name of "Good", a little inane A day you eat a bun that's angry & hot Buns that are hot? I like them a lot!
-
One day I will come back to this place with silly string and end all of these people.
-
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ♥
-
The voices in my head are usually having sex & sometimes they let me watch. I asked once why the ball gag was so big, but they ignored me.
-
We call the women in the middle east 'brain washed' but we're the ones starving ourselves for some patriarchal image of beauty.
-
It would be cool if when you got sent a reason for being blocked like: 'You're an ass' ' you suck' 'You fuck goats' 'crayons are evil'
-
money is cool how you can just give somebody this dumb piece of paper and then they'll give you a can of beans
-
It wasn't until he saw a boat full of animals that God realized some asshole left the water running.
-
Those hilarious tweets some of you copy from websites are originally from here anyway, so if you need to post that shit take it to Facebook.
-
If our biggest Twitter downfall is speaking our mind, being too honest and real..well...fuck it. We are who we are, and okay with that fact.
-
A healthy twitterer retweets.
-
Skrillex's real name is Skrillexander.
-
I can tell that some of you were that kid that always got his head stuck in the arm hole of his shirt.
-
Yes, by all means, tell me how to buy followers. I'm sure it's a sound investment.
-
Spent most of the weekend mastering naked crab walking so I can start a new life as a Unicorn.
-
Applied for another job today. Pretty sure if we don't get this one we're going to their office to throw a tantrum on the floor.
-
In heaven everybody kickflips.
-
Sometimes if you relax when things are falling apart......those parts fall exactly into place.
-
Keep retweeting me until I'm famous so that I can unfollow all of you guys and only follow my new celebrity friends.
-
I'm practicing my chi control by using my subtle body to interact with my touchscreen. And my vibrator. And the remote. And my chi-chis. :-D
-
Kindness is sexy.
-
I'm going to have whatever kinda day 7 bucks and a bad attitude gets me.
-
"If I follow someone, I expect them to follow me in return. If not, I stop following," -- also my religion policy.
-
I'm sick of hearing boy bands whine on the radio while I'm cleaning the floors at KFC.
-
How many Retweets does it take to ruin a time line? The answer is 0.
-
"Blah blah blah superbowl blah blah quarterback blah blah blah I love cock blah blah blah blah" - What I hear when people talk about sports
-
Automotonaphobia- fear of anything human like. Mannequins, dolls, people on twitter.
-
What's up, we playin' Barbies or what?
-
Seriously, it does not matter. I could be followed by every last account on Twitter, & I'd still feel like the little brother tagging along.
-
Today I got snow tires,nail polish ,pushup bra What does it say about me ?! I'm ready for anything
-
I am the drunkest person in this Starbucks!
-
"Blake! Great to see you! Haven't seen you in years. So what have you been up to?" *kickflips onto shark to safety*
-
I can't wait to get this over with and go back to doing the shit I love...coffee,the internet and video games.And touching myself.
-
Asked our 7yo daughter to hit her mute button. She said she didn't have one, only a crazy & stop button. Smh!
-
if you love someone squeeze them so tight the grocery store manager comes
-
You guys need to stop pretending dave matthews is good. We've let him believe it for long enough.
-
Is that a cupcake in your pocket, or are you going to have to go back out and get me one?
-
Ok guys, enough with the zero star tweets.
-
Sorry Twitter - I blamed you for my failings. I should take more responsibility. - the sentiment that could end Twitter -
-
I can never help but wonder how many women send themselves flowers... I'm sure it's not nearly enough.
-
Thank you for choosing Frankie Air, where nary a flying fuck is given.
-
Some one please explain to
@Drake that starring in a popular teen sitcom isn't exactly "starting from the bottom". -
Newbies, you don't wait for followers, you go get them.
-
People have the right to choose what they want and be who they are, but I'll never understand hate. Move along.....
-
Yoga sucks. Yeah I said it.
-
I'm known to contaminate crime scenes oafishly trudging through looking for my torn panties.
-
I don't think the cats in this alley have ever even heard of rockabilly.
-
There should be an "I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?" button here. I feel awkward starring the sad stuff, but I do care.
-
It's just my eyes, nose, phone & fingers sticking out from the covers. So awesome. I'm cozy. You can't see me. It's like we're not here.
-
Monkey see guy in kilt. Monkey wish it was hot babe in wet T-shirt. *flings own feces* (8(/)
-
Damn it, Turtle! Turn around and go back down that driveway. I want to be alone for a bit.
-
Twitter celebrities exist so that we can kiss their famous asses & feel inferior even in the virtual world. Fuck You for that, Hollywood.
-
I will crush your pixie girlfriend between my real girl thighs.
-
Do whatever you want that makes you happy. Just don't hurt anyone else along the way.
-
I don't understand people who want to hurt others and choose to be bitter. Nor do I want to. I live my days for happily ever fucking after.
-
Of my 481 followers... 81 deserve a book deal. The other 400 of you deserve a book deal and that hug from childhood you didn't get.
-
In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man still can't blow himself.
-
No skills or talent for anything whatsoever? Welcome to twitter.
-
What's that, Lassie? There's a whole population trapped in a social network?
-
Yeah. I don't already have enough shit in my life that pisses me off, so let's talk politics. - Idiots
-
I don't use my real name. I don't have a face. I am here to say everything. Even the wrong things. Please don't fucking correct me.
-
People only have the power you give them (*fires lightning from fingertips into toaster strudel) Except Wizards. We'll fuck your shit up.
-
My band is just me singing off-key & banging discordantly on an electric chord-organ. We're called "pretty or not, here I come."
-
My Twitter is basically a long amusing desperate cry for help.
-
Lil' Wayne is a classic example of a fever dream taking a human form.
-
I typically agree with my wife because when I do, she gives me treats.
-
Today's stats: Unfollowed by 2 cats, 1 dog, 2 cartoon characters and maybe a real human or two.
-
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." – Amelia Earhart ♥
-
Also. I star everything I RT. Cuz if I like it enough to RT. It needs a star as well. Tosses head a bit* It looks pretty on my TL, too. Xo
-
Twitter injury.
-
Isn't it refreshing to know that we will all go down in history as the great philosophers of our time?
-
Money can't make you happy. For example, I have $53 in my bank account and I'm still miserable.
-
Some Tweeps get xcited bout cats Some ova d moon about dogs Some lassies wear flats Some high on clogs Worst part of pets Picking up logs
-
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." – Amelia Earhart ♥
-
A waffle breakfast & a little understanding in 1978 would've prevented most of these tweets.
-
Opens twitter. Thinks hard. Farts. Closes twitter.
-
Try to reach out and touch someone but wear gloves to protect your feelings. This analogy sucks.
-
I suffer from random memory loss. Some people call it politeness.
-
I am the reason that people write negative reviews about hotels
-
If you're my friend. There's never a need to hurt me. I've always been broken. Just accept me & love me.. unconditionally.
-
Bib? The steamed clam's a squirter.
-
"Ooooh…you're going to hell for that!" ~ people who are going to hell for judging that you're going to hell for that
-
I'll NEVER go again on children's parties. Because I start to hear whispers from hell call me,while i stare their mommy's boobs.
-
Arguments FOR prop 8: Complicated, Long Winded, Logically Fallacious. Arguments AGAINST Prop 8: Equal Rights. I call Occam on this.
-
“Each person is born with an infinite power against which no earthly force is of the slightest significance”. -Neville Goddard
-
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
-
I like my men like I like my chairs: waiting there patiently hoping for a chance to touch my butt.
-
Even if you are against gay marriage for religious reasons, you (if American)live in a place where civil rights ought to trump faith.
-
Shredded wedding dresses from all the marriages that didn't work out.
#BadPlasticEggFillers -
my battery is low, I am waiting for someone to notice and plug me in.
-
twitter looks boring from the outside, but once you're inside, its like freaking Narnia!
-
When I take my car in for service I always leave the radio on a cool station so the mechanics won't think I'm a nerd.
-
Dog training: who would have thought? It's dogs training owners to encourage trainers to train owners to believe they're in charge
-
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut
-
You know how hot giving me a star makes you look?
-
It's better if you block. That way you get your ass out of the list too.
-
We should toss the entire Congress in prison and only let people out when they can prove they're innocent.
-
From what I've seen, Democrats are basically passive aggressive Republicans.
-
Nothing is by chance.. everything happens because it has to.
-
Sometimes I don't tweet for 2 or 3 days, but I don't call it twitterciding. I call it "sometimes I don't tweet for 2 or 3 days."
-
I always stop the microwave at 1 second. Just in case.
-
marry the lamp post alight in the drizzling rain
-
Last time someone told me there was change in the air I got hit in the face with a fistful of nickels. Change sucks.
-
Forever searching for the corner, in my round rubber room. That's my circle of life.
-
told someone to suck it up and didn't hand them a straw and now i feel guilty and shit
-
I'm grateful for the freedom that gives your mouth the right to pretend it knows anything about politics.
-
I call Catfish on every smokin hot chick who tweets soley about her smokin hotness.
-
Humpty Dumpty fell because he was too high. Remember that the next time you're smoking a joint & sitting on a wall.
#stonertip -
We all come with a past. Use what you need, share the lessons you've learned. Put the rest in a box and put a lid on it.
-
Staring out the window, contemplating your 0s and 1s.
-
Wow. That's a lot of @ replies you have there. *backs away slowly*
-
~ "Excellence is not an act but a habit. The things you do the most are the things you will do the best." – Marva Collins ♥
-
Boo all you want, I ain't leaving.
-
I have a lazy nipple.
-
the horizon where fairies dance, dragons breathe fire and everything is real. look to
-
*note to self* Do more Al Sharpton jokes
-
The world can't end on Friday, I still haven't bungee jumped off the fiscal cliff.
-
As a child I used to judge other people based on what flavor their juice box was. I still do.
-
If Mayans were that good at predicting the future... there'd be Mayans
-
I'm just now starting to get into the end of the world spirit.
-
*doesn't know what people in buildings do*
-
#WorldPeaceSolution Put the Generals on the front line. . -
Dear People of the World, Decide you will only accept World Peace. Tell many other people. Love Scott
#WorldPeaceSolution -
I want World Peace I want World Peace I want World Peace I want World Peace I want World Peace I want World Peace
#WorldPeaceSolution -
Just posted a photo http://instagr.am/p/S33J6mAVoc/
-
Hot damn. FL residents can make payments? to visit Disney. Payments? Are we such commercial drones? Don't answer. Xmas shopping online.
-
It's always the former over the ladder. What do people have against ladders?
-
I'm tweeting from the website, like a commoner.
-
Dear Collection Agency: I know I didn't pay that bill. You know I didn't pay that bill. Do you really need to keep calling me to discuss it?
Jesus Jaramillo
Anonymous Vagabond
LoveScopes
Hushpuppy 5¢
The Robfather
Gone
nerdamage
Vocally Harsh
Dolores
Ms. Ribble
Don Pearyawn
Just Call Me Frank™©
Shari VanderWerf
Vandal
jennco
Lolly Sassafras
Nickels
Mark
From the desk of ...
Czar M
VirgoSherry
Rotusbrossum
Control_Zed
Lilly
Theodora Chester
Scarlett Fever
Scott Taylor
oops
MF FairyPrincessRach
Aspersioncast
alex carbajal
C C
Neil Brown
Scott Franklin
Blakey Pants
Sly
Travis LeBlanc
Cat From Nowhere
phil
The Dork
Evil Schwartzie
the name's carley
Maria Carreon
Dale Ray
Rainbow Brite
Lala W
CatasTrophy
Pam Nabea
Green M&M's rule!
Emily Gray
gordon
Jibber.Ish
WhatserName
Tortured_soul
Jimmer Cork-Bottle
Ryan Stadanko
Dusty Hume
Manic Monkey
blunder rated
James
Michelle Angus
D๑l๑ur๑usPurplεHæz
ShoutingGoddess
Hillbilly Happiness
Buck4itt
Josh Boltz
SAL
SpaceSquirrel
Pam
Uncle JP the Janitor
Dickly Wadilington
KaratCake
Tanya Johnston
indie claws
H∅TMessBarbie™®
System Failure
Bill Ruhsam
Jared Knowlton
Celeste Riley
Jordan
Kat Nove
Betty Big Bollocks
Mr. Vinay Patil
Alan Parham
Dave
Nostradamage Spivey
fairy
freckle face
truly
Nico
Flash Shumway
Amazon Goddess
chupacabra
妹妹
Nobody In Particular
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 8:26 AM
0 Comments
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home